Thursday, August 20, 2009

I always thought blogging was pretty much dumb. I already have a facebook... I am a conservatory student. I don't have enough time to blog. But seriously, I might as well write down my thoughts to keep them from buzzing around and distracting me while I practice, right? Let's begin with my blog title and address...

I believe in God the Father, Jesus his Son, and the Holy Spirit. Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with his love." Heaven knows I need something to "quiet me." I think and think and think to a fault... people tell me I put thoughts into their heads that aren't there and them judge them based on my imagination. All I can say is, at least I have an imagination. ? No, but that's what I mean. I need my God to "quiet me with his love." To hold me while I sit and ponder and protect me from the thoughts that threaten to wash over me as I flail in the storm wondering how I will ever manage not to drown. Jesus calmed the storm with a few words... surely he will do this for me. 

The whole preoccupation with the words "mighty to save" happens to have a long story. At Eastman, where I am clarinet student, I am very active in our InterVarsity chapter. We sing Hillsong's praise song "Mighty to Save" quite often and I've always liked it. It wasn't until this year though that I really started to understand what it means- to me at least. I prayed that song over my dear friend the morning before she accepted Christ as her Saviour... she doesn't know it, but while we sang that song that morning, I was putting her name into it and praying for her with all of my heart. "Father, prove to us that you are mighty to save. Be true to your word and save her." That night she was captured by his "quieting love." We worshiped again soon after and that song found its way onto the list for that night... as we were singing it, I looked over and saw the light of Truth shining on her face- for the first time I knew. No, I really knew that "my God is mighty to save." See, I'm a clarinetist... if you're reading my blog, you probably will figure out that music is to me the most powerful force in creation... I believe it is a tool God created to demonstrate his majesty, therefore drawing all men to himself. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has called me to the mission field that is (duh duh duuuuuuh) "The Performing Arts." I believe that it is my purpose, the reason I am here, to reach those in my field who do not know our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. 

So, I have a problem. I am injured. Not just sort of injured, as in oops, my arm hurts I think I might have tendinitis... sort of. But as in, I have problems with my spine and my jaw which have been progressively getting worse since I was about a sophomore in high school. That puts us at about five years. I just had a cat scan and found out that I have scoliosis and loss of lordosis in my neck and tendinitis in my jaw- causing tendinitis in my arms and hands. (You're probably think, why the heck is she typing?!) I am not writing this to complain- I'm past that point. I'm writing this because this is my life. I am an injured artist who wonders every day if she will ever have a career in this field- and if not- why am I sticking with this?? Well, that's where the "mighty to save" thing comes in. 

There is no reason why God would impress a purpose on my heart and then take away everything that makes me "me" without giving me peace. Well, he certainly has not given me peace about quitting! As my boyfriend, Ty, would say, "HECKS NO!" I'm not going to stray from this path while I feel that I am called to it. If I did, I would be being nothing less than a foolish, faithless hypocrite. Well... I've learned to believe that "my God is mighty to save." He has a purpose in this injury! And he will save me. His passionate love for me extends beyond all possible understanding and he will not let me fall without picking me up, dusting me off, and healing my wounds. Scars are always the result of a bravely fought battle. Scars should be considered blessings. 

So, when I'm home from school, I can often be found driving the streets of Fort Worth, Texas on my way to physical therapy with my windows down, blaring "Mighty to Save" and singing at the top of my lungs- reminding myself what it is I believe. At school, you'll find me with the InterVarsity small groups, using the passion God has given me for intimacy in friendship among believers to encourage those I care so strongly about. 

I head back to the northeast in a few days... transitioning yet again. May God be the strength of my life, and of your life, for he is "mighty to save." 

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