Saturday, August 22, 2009

Decisions are so strange... especially as you get older. I've been learning a lot about decisions, especially about making my own decisions. Something about me- I have always listened to my parents. The Bible is so emphatic about honoring and obeying our fathers and mothers- I take it very seriously! Well, really, my parents have helped me to take it seriously. They have always been fair and shown their wisdom by seeking God's council and helping me to do so as well. They have also taught me to seek council and advice from other authority figures- my clarinet teachers are people I listen to and trust explicitly!!! Last week, I had to consider taking a semester off from school. It was so strange, my parents and I seemed to be on a different page entirely. They thought I should absolutely not take the semester off. Because my teachers were in favor of the break, I was highly confused. After lot's of talking and praying- I really decided that I would have to make this decision myself- weigh all of the advice, but ultimately do what I thought would be best for me. I decided to go back to school.

At church last Sunday, I was struggling with what the right choice would be. I could not decide what to do. I so badly wanted to return to school, I didn't want to "put my life on hold." However, I also did not want to do something stupid and putting myself in an environment where my injury might not be properly treated could be very dangerous. I prayed, "Father, please speak to me in the sermon today. Tell me what to do." I didn't think he actually would- in my experience, God doesn't usually give an absolute yes or no right when I want it. But, he does love me and will always meet my needs...

The sermon that day was on a passage from Luke- dealing with the issue of sickness and sin- namely leprosy. As soon as the pastor (Dr. Kitchens) started speaking, my ears perked up. He said "sickness and sin" and I'm thinking "Hecks Yes!!" God is going to tell me what to do. Dr. Kitchens focused on the point that sickness- a result of our fallen state- is a symbol of sin. The consequence of leprosy was isolation. Isolation from the entire community. I started thinking about how the result of my injury could mean isolation from the environment I love. Only for a semester- not a huge deal. But then Dr. Kitchens spoke about how, because sickness is a result of sin, Satan will try to use the consequences of sickness to keep us from feeling fulfilled. I could definitely identify with that. Definitely. He hit the nail on the head when he said that spiritual sickness (the absence of faith in Christ) is waaaay more of a problem than physical sickness, we always want to be healed of physical sickness- it's harder to know when you're spiritually sick- and spiritual sickness isn't something people often just want to be healed of. That's when I thought- I need to go back. God has opened the door for me to be healed at home or at school and, honestly, I don't think there would be any problem with me choosing either direction. The truth is- I believe God opened the door for me to choose what I want to do- he works all things for the good of those who love him. Not every situation is like his- but when we earnestly and faithfully seek God, he promises to bless our efforts. Essentially, I believe God will heal me wherever I am in his own time. I am doing what I want to do- going back to my mission field to serve God. This is the hardest way, not going to lie. It would be easier to stay home for multiple reasons. Doctors, no classes, Ty is here, living at home. But, I love school and I love doing what God has called me to do. Eastman- here I come! Again.

As soon as that decision was made- and even harder one followed. By seeking God, I believe I was able to choose the best way to handle the situation. Building an altar to the Lord to remember the last two weeks seems appropriate...

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