Tuesday, October 4, 2011

"Heaven's benediction rests ever on the home of her who lives to do good."

I am a CLUMSY wife. 4 months in and, seriously, "clumsy" is the ONLY word I can think of to describe my wifehood. Thankfully, Ty seems to love me anyway- and he has his clumsy moments too. Living in a loft apartment equals stepped-on toes every now and then. And sharing a bed means getting rolled over on sometimes as well. Endearing, truthfully.

My clumsiness is completely different. I have this desire to grow into the Proverbs 31 wife. I want my husband's heart to rest in me. I want to bring him good and not harm. I want to have the diligence to keep my lamp from going out.

I work hard. No surprise... I always work hard. But I have found that this hard work is not actually going to be the key to my wifely success. It is actually the very stumbling block over which my clumsy, "young-wife" feet trip nearly every day. I CRY when I feel that the apartment is not clean enough. I CONSTANTLY ask if dinner was delicious enough. I SERIOUSLY can't seem to rest for a moment- which keeps poor Ty from resting as well.

My work ethic is good. The pride I take in it is bad. This pride in my heart exalts me over my husband, threatening his headship. I vowed to submit to my husband and I intend to do just that. But, how can my heart rest in a messy apartment when EVERY "Christian Wife" book or article I have read says that, "Wives are keepers at home. House keeping comes first. Homemaking begins with house keeping. Etcetera." Well, I've been thinking and praying about that and my husband simply gave me the answer the other day. "Katie, rest. Just DO IT." Those were Ty's words. He always says, "Just do it. I don't know how. But it is what I do. I just do it." What strength! To silence my innermost voice- constantly challenging me to "be better," and therefore, encouraging my pride. Let go. Fly into the restful arms of Christ. Just do it. (No reference to Nike here, btw.)

I'm a clumsy flyer. I've landed hard a few times. But I know my life is FULL of grace because it is full of Christ. So, I'm going to rely on his grace to overshadow my clumsiness until, finally, only grace is apparent in my home and my marriage.

The first step is deciphering what being a "Keeper of the Home" means to my life and the home that Ty and I are making together. Most would say a keeper of the home (a Biblical phrase, by the way) should be at home. Right? A Biblical wife stays home and keeps the home peaceful, raises children to fear the Lord, and puts meals on the table to feed her hardworking husband. WELL. That is a narrow description. I hope that someday I will have that role, but I cannot feel discouraged in my calling as a wife simply because I don't have kids yet. God has called me to work out of the home in order to keep my home. AND he is training me for motherhood at the same time. So, patience with my students, and fostering a quiet, peaceful spirit within myself despite the frustrations of working with children all day should be an INCREDIBLE opportunity for the molding of my heart into the homemaker I desire to be.

I've decided that the cultivation of a quiet spirit is the most challenging task for me. I am not a quiet person. My head RACES. I talk all the time. The first step toward overcoming my clumsiness is learning to be peaceful and quiet inside my head and then stilling my mouth to simply enjoy the quiet joy of being with the man I love.

Also, the quote from the title of this post is found within the article accessible by this link: http://www.gracegems.org/Miller/christian_wife.htm.

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